Hell Toupee
[E]
He’s got no hair on his head…that’s the reason for what he did
The cause was a recessive gene… now his head looks like Mr. Clean
[A] It’s was hell toupee [E] [A] It was hell toupee [E]

His mama’s daddy was bald but he didn’t care
He was looking good…. with no hair.
But when the boy grew up… you know what he did
He wore a rug up on his head
It was hell toupee. It was hell toupee. It was hell….. toupee

The thing was ugly even when it was new
He stuck it on his head with some flesh toned glue
You saw it coming… you knew it was him
It looks like road kill with a trim
It was hell toupee. It was hell toupee. It was hell….. toupee

The thing would sit there nice and flat
But you’re not sure what you’re looking at
It’s hard to look him in the eyes
You’re mind will start to fanaticize [E…][….]

[E][F] What if there came a real strong wind?
[F#][G] What if he went in for a swim?
[G#][A] How can you tell if it’s on straight?
[Bb][B]%][B…] Could he be early and his hair be late?
=[E]%]%]%][A]%][E]%][F#][B][E]%]= x2

The man was vain and not real smart
He’d bought his eye and sold his heart
So if your hair starts falling out
don’t do what he did, you’ll hear them shout
There’s hell toupee. There’s hell toupee. There’s hell… toupee
=ending= < [E] x8

note:
This song was conceived while surf fishing on the Outer Banks of NC with my long time friend and humorist Jim Williams. Names have been withheld to protect the innocent. Any similarity to an Outer Banks club owner who does his own TV commercials was inspirational and bound to happen sooner or later.